"There are a lot scarier things than you. And I'm one of them."
Ahh, a typical day at Sunnydale High. One wonders--why are there still so many students at Sunnydale High? Haven't most of them died by now, or transferred to other schools due to the vast amounts of death? Xander lightens the mood by charmingly perving over the teacher (LOL! so cute!!) until he is interrupted by THE ANOINTED! He lurks eerily in the doorway and watches as spiders crawl out of a student's book and all over his face. Eww.
But wait! All the sudden, we're back in The Master's Lair with The Anointed, who apparently isn't creepily lurking at Sunnydale High. What? Who was that other kid then? What's happening?
Confession: I can't tell children apart.
The Scoobies go to interview Spiderboy and ask if he's doing okay, and he reveals that he LOVES spiders; he collects them! Now he imagines that spiders hate him, and has nightmares about them crawling out of his book. Poor fella! He used to have the biggest spider collection in the Tri-County area!
But he's not alone! (Well, he's alone in the loving spiders thing.) It seems all of Sunnydale High are either:
1. Living their worst nightmares, or
2. Being attacked by a gigantic demon while taking a smoke break.
Buffy and Giles discover that the gigantic anti-smoking demon's first victim was the creepy lurking child from the beginning. Their discovery is interrupted by Giles suddenly losing the ability to read, and Buffy's father coming to tell her that he doesn't love her and that she caused her parents' divorce. Their conversation is actually quite sad. But if you find yourself hoping for more of this emotional depth, cherish the silliness while you can. Oh boy, let me tell you--by season six, you'll be yearning for demons on the Internet.
Creepy lurking boy's name is Billy, and he cryptically warns Buffy about "the ugly man" who comes after him whenever he hides. Billy is also the astral projection of the actual Billy, who is currently in a coma because he got beaten up by his baseball coach. Yeah.
Willow wanders into the school basement and you think she's about to confront The Ugly Man, but she suffers a worse fate:
She's the world's finest soprano and has to perform onstage! Hey, at least this isn't a reprise of her Oedipus Rex performance.
Meanwhile, Xander's worst nightmare is that he'll walk into Sunnydale High, find it deserted and covered in swastikas, and follow a candy bar trail to his sixth birthday, where a clown tries to kill him. It's funny, because I have dreams like that almost every night! He happens upon Willow and Giles, who want to run, but Xander (in a rare show of competence) turns around and punches the clown in the face. It seems that facing your fear, triumphing over adversity, etc. are the keys to defeating The Ugly Man. Or something.
Things get super complicated when they all end up in a cemetery, and Giles tries to make all of us cry by revealing his worst nightmare: that Buffy's dead :'( :'( :'(
But she's not really dead--she's just a vampire! This is her worst nightmare, I think. Or is it Giles'? Or is the correct spelling "Giles's"? The eternal question.
Buffy tells Billy's astral projection to be like Xander (ugh) and face his fears. Then their nightmares are over, Billy wakes up from the coma, his mean baseball coach goes to jail, the giant wasps that inexplicably took over Sunnydale disappear, Rose looks up "astral projection" in the dictionary...
Favorite moment: Cordelia's worst nightmare: her hair is frizzy, she's seen the softer side of Sears, and she's being dragged to chess club against her will.